Finally got Keri calmed down … she decided to get an ice pop out with out asking. When I had her put it back – she decided to have an all out meltdown.
I wish Keri and I could be off doing something exiting this weekend. But not so, instead We are at home. Keri has been throwinga massive amount of fits. They are over the silliest of reasons- She cannot have chips, after she had some, or she is getting mad because I will not allow her to go threw John’s stuff, go into his desk, play with my cell phone, take a rolling suitcase outside, go outside for 4 mintues by herself, allow her to carry a sharp knife around, buy her chips, ask her to take a nap. Let’s see what the other reasons are for her meltdowns, oh yes, I will not let her play with the “important” mail, she has to wait to paint a jewerly until it is dry, I will not let her paint the inside of the same jewelry box, She cannot remove the buttons to the remote, I will not give her ice cream because of her behavior, I will not let her push the kitchen table over.
John is camping with his daughter this weekend. I wish we could be there, BUT Keri would not do well. So we are are here at home. Yay for Fabulously fun meltdowns!
My daughter has daddy issues – I am not going to deny that. Her daddy issues are not the Jerry Springer sort. They are the cause of a divorce 3 years ago.
Her father stayed in his state of choice and we moved back to my hometown and home state. Only because she would have more social opportunities, the schools are better, and we would have more family/friend support.
Keri’s contact with her father has been spotty at best. I wanted her to have contact with him and tried to push that contact. At first, he refused contact with her when we first moved away. Then he would do phone contact and not do video chat. The calls were inconsistent as well as the video chat when that started to happen. He would go months with out contacting her … and her behavior followed in a negative spike of aggression when he stopped contacting her. As well as Keri saying in her very limited speech at that time “No daddy … no nice daddy”.
Then the contact was consistent for a while. Then in the summer of 2013, Keri’s father decided to visit after her not seeing him in person for 2 years. Keri was fine for that week and then her behavior gradually got worse after her left. Until finally she had to be hospitalized for 3 months for extreme behavioral issues (another story for another time).
While in the hospital, Keri and her father did video chat. Then he got the bright idea to move closer – into the house of some chick he met online. He tried so he could be closer Keri. I do give him credit for trying – but it backfired on him. This chick turned out to be crazy or something. They broke up and he move back to his old state and his old job.
During the time he was up here, he did see Keri a hand full of times. After he moved away, I have not pushed contact with him and Keri. This has been a big trigger for her – her daddy related issues.
Anyway, about two weeks ago, Keri started to call John (my boyfriend of 3 years) “Daddy”. He has been around her consistently and has been more of a father to her than her own father.
The funny thing about this, even with the limited speech, is the depth of understanding that Keri has. She had created a verbal difference between John and her biological father. Keri calls John “John Daddy”, “John”, or “Daddy”. Keri now calls her biological father “Spikey Haired Daddy” … he is no longer “Daddy”.
Keri is always surprising me with her insight and understanding!!!
The death of Jarrod Tutko was a tragic and sad event to happen. This is a horrible thing to have happen to this family. Both the father and mother were overwhelmed in the care of 6 children, of 5 who have/had various degrees of disabilities:
- Deanna Tutko, 13, who was deaf
- Makayla Tutko, 3
- Aaron Tutko, 12, has developmental disabilities
- Adrianna Tutko, 10, she is in a vegetative state, confined to a hospital bed and hooked up to tubes and monitors
- Jarrod Tutko, 9, with Fragile X syndrome, a genetic defect along the autism spectrum that left her son intellectually disabled and with behavioral and learning challenges, failure to thrive
- Braelyn Tutko, 6, has autism
Like everyone else, I too, have questions …
- Why was Jarrod not in school? Were the other children in school? (However, depending on the school district they may have tried to fight the parents on proper placement or even encouraged home schooling ~ my daughter’s district tried that at one time)
- Did the family try to seek services for all of the kids, i.e. therapies, respite care, etc? Ask for help when the children protection agency was there? (with the expectation of Adrianna)
- Why did the mother and father not alternate care for Adrianna and Jarrod? Give one parent a break from dealing Jarrod who had more behavioral challenges? (If it was a question to avoid possible infection to Adrianna, there is a thing called soap, Lysol, etc to prevent infection)
- Why continue to have children if the older three had existing health issues? (My daughter has Autism, I decided to stop with her … because it was not fair to her and any possible child to come along in regards to the time, attention, and care that Keri requires. One child would get more attention than the other. Also there was the factor if the possible child had any health concerns to deal with on top of Keri’s Autism.)
- Why did the Father not call 911 when it was first discovered that Jarrod Jr was dead?
There are a multitude of questions that can be asked. I am not here too pass judgment on the family. I believe both parents were overwhelmed and maybe services previously sought failed this family (if they were sought).
BUT there are those people out there who have nice normal families with neurotypical children that can never understand what it is like to raise a child with special needs and the unique challenges that come along with it. There are people out there WHO DO have children with special needs and would never understand certain aspects if their children do not have behavior issues.
I, myself. have experienced a child who ripped up the floor and mattress. A child who destroyed all the furniture in her bedroom. I have experienced a child who peed on the floor and smeared feces all over the floor and walls. I experienced a child who would hardly sleep and cry, scream and yell during night time hours. I have experienced a child with behavioral issues – self injurious and to others. I have experienced a spouse who could not cope with these actions, and all of it fell on me. So I know with only one child it is overwhelming …. I could never imagine to understand dealing with what that family dealt with on a daily basis for years. I could only say the Tutko family probably did the best that they could do with all of the challenges going on.
Rest in peace Jarrod Jr and may you be in the company of angels!